How's the Water - Part II
So, this evening I am going to attempt to finish the blog I started last Monday.
In part I of this blog I talked about the 3 methods of getting to know girls.
After the initial courtship the real work begins. There are a few key steps that must occur.
But, I need to backstep a bit first though. We need to look at what courtship is. Courtship is dating with a purpose! These blogs reffer to dating with the grand intention of marriage. This is no dating for recration -as many people view it. So read this all with the knowledge that this is a serious relationship that we are dealing with.
So when we talk about courtship, as men -yes men, not boys- we need to follow certain guidlines. Firstly we must have the guts to ask for the fathers permission to date his daughter. Why you ask is this important; well the parents are probably one of the most cruicual parts of the courtship. If you are seriously in love with a girl, then being upfront with the parents is crucial.
Its a good idea to talk to your future -hopefully- girlfriend, and find out about the parents. Some key points to figure out are:
- Which parent is the good cop
- What kind of things should you talk about, and what things should you not talk about
- Are the parents in favor of their daughter dating someone
If there is If she is really nice -and probably serious about it- she will also lay some really good groundwork, so that the initial meeting won't be nearly as painful or akward.
Now once you are there, in the lions den, it is time to work your magic -aka we are now jumping to the first meet. Now this can be a great time, if you click. If you click they will start treating you as one of the family -like a big brother. But while there try not to bring up the times that you were almost incarssarated [or were actually incarssarated], your ex-girlfriend, or the fact that you hate the meal [it is a possibility, and has happened to me]. But even worse than mentioning one of those is not talking at all. You are there to meet her parents, for to just be a foreign bump on the log.
Think of the first meeting to be sort of a job interview. You want it to go super smoothly, you generally don't know the results until the next day, and you have never met the people who are talking to. Just as in a job interview you trying to sell yourself so that they approve your applicatoin.
But with all of that said; be yourself. The parents are looking to see who you really are, and if you are the one who they have always wanted for their daughter. But really, if you think about it; if her parents don't like you, and don't think that you are right for their daughter, maybe they are right. They did raise her you know.
So now you have met the parents. At that I am going to leave you on a cliffhanger again.
Until next time.
-AndrewB.
posted by Andrew @ 12:06 a.m.
2 Comments:
I think that the analogy of a job interview fits quite nicely with meeting the parents for the first time. While alot of people tend to think that what parents think is irrelevant, and the first meeting is merely a formality, I definitely agree that the first meeting can set you up with a team of solid allies or provide your relationship with the kiss of death, depending on how it goes.
Like a job interview, most parents (assuming they were active in their parenting of their child) know the candidate they're looking for. Like a good employer, they know what their child's needs are and have a list of criteria to ensure that they don't accept the wrong person for the job. And like most jobs, the job of being someone's life partner is complex. Not only must the successful candidate demonstrate characteristics that prove their compatibility with the single child, but they must also demonstrate that they will bring value to the family as a whole. This is something most people neglect. Most people figure that if they're dating a guy or girl that their partner's family isn't really an important part of the relationship, and at most, is a pleasant add-on. They're dead wrong.
A partner's family is important because 1) if you end up marrying this person, they will become a part of your life too, 2) they know your partner better than anyone else and might just be your best resource for those head-scratching moments when you absolutely cannot understand why your partner is acting so (insert your own adjective), and 3) both you and the family care very deeply for your partner and only want the best for him/her. Your partner's family, provided they approve you for the job, can be the biggest support in your relationship, or the biggest obstacle as the flower of your relationship struggles to see the light of day if they disapprove (even slightly).
That being said, I completely agree that one should always try to be him/herself when meeting a potential partner's parents/family. After all, you'd hate for them to approve you for the job when it really wasn't you that interviewed for it.
i have only one real beef with this blog (or at least, only one that i can actually form coherent words to say)... and it's nothing really huge (i'm sure that something gets lost in translation, or in typing or something)... but you make it sound like dating should be work... yes, some work is required to get to know the other person, i'll admit that... but you just sound like your forcing things... having all these requirements and roles to fulfill only adds tension to something that should be natural and fun... now not to say that what you've said isn't fun (that could be the part that gets lost in translation...) it just comes across as someone having to constantly think "what should i be doing RIGHT NOW" and being on edge the whole time... heck, you even use a job interview as an example... and while i admit that family acceptance is huge, being overly (note the "overly") courteous/polite/whatever else you can think of is incredibly see-through too and is almost just as bad as not being yourself...
anyways, i'm sure most of this makes more sense in my noggin, and really, i'm not trying to bash you in any way andrew... just throwing an opinion out...
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