Blue Like Jazz V1.1.0

So, I am sitting down at home finally - its 12:27 AM and I have to be on site at 7:00 AM, but for my friends I will sacrifice the sleep for this blog. But it is also a thunderstorm, so tommorow will be a very very slow day!

I want to say this now before I get into a series of blogs that may give you the wrong impression. I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ, and that He died for me on the cross and rose again 3 days later. It would take ALOT for this fundamental truth in my life to degrade. With this being said the book Blue Like Jazz has really made me think, and I have learned alot about my walk with God and how it isn't what I thought it was.

I have troubles with getting things for free. I have troubles with getting sometime that I don't deserve, to the point that I get less than what I deserve [I am getting better at this]. I have problems putting my problems in my life before God until they get too big for me to handle. I have a big problem with grace!

In engineering I am used to seeing where everything came from. One thing affects the other because of a simple relationship. Energy inside the system is conserved. When God shows me grace its like energy is being randomly added to the system - this doesn't add up! I can't get why a man could decide to come to earth, live out His life in a place like this, and then be killed for doing no wrong - all of this to rid me of the devils grip on me. This is grace.

How can my mind rationalize that a man would stick around with me when I just break his heart! How could this man still love me after this! It doesn't add up!

When I was younger I just saw with my eyes how things worked, and I accepted it. Now I try to understand everything - it could be my fatal flaw. I can't explain it. Just like I can't explain light. I can tell you theories about light - but I can't say that, "light is ...". I will probably never be able to explain either, but I will benifit from both of them with life. Light provides everything on earth that I need; and Gods grace provides everything after I die, as I am covered by his grace.

So this is where I am at with grace; a whole lot of musings. I would keep on going but it will be 1:00 AM before I get to bed, and 5.5 hours of sleep is a bare minimum to operate the next day.

Keep me in your prayers and I go through this stage of my life.

Andrew. B.